Dementia-Friendly Holiday Conversations: A Guide for Families

Updated: December 2024

The glorious hustle and bustle of the holidays, the lingering aroma of gingerbread and turkey, the energy of happy and excited children – these are just some of the wonderful things we look forward to during the winter holidays. The music, the laughter, the late-night festivities, and early morning chaos amongst wrappings create cherished memories. What’s not to love?

However, for people living with Alzheimer’s and dementia, the intensity of holiday celebrations can create uncomfortable and challenging experiences. While they may have once been the life of any party, these conditions can significantly impact their ability to engage in the ways they used to. As family members, we need to be mindful of these changes and adapt our celebrations accordingly.

Creating a Comfortable Holiday Environment

To help your loved ones with dementia or Alzheimer’s enjoy the holiday celebration, set the intention for a more accommodating atmosphere.

Consider these strategies:

• Create a quieter, more peaceful environment to minimize agitation and distress
• Communicate expectations ahead of time with extended family members and children
• Replace loud background TV with soft, familiar holiday music
• Designate a quiet room where your loved one can take breaks if feeling overwhelmed
• Schedule activities during their best time of day
• Keep gatherings smaller and shorter when possible

Meaningful Holiday Conversations

Holiday conversations can still be rich and inclusive – it’s all about asking the right questions. While memory impairment is a challenge, thoughtfully chosen questions can help prompt memories and create meaningful interactions for everyone involved.

Here are some conversation starters that can encourage engagement and connection:

1. “What were holidays like when you were growing up?”
2. “Tell me about your favorite holiday tradition.”
3. “What was your favorite holiday food that your mother or grandmother made?”
4. “Do you remember any special holiday gifts you received as a child?”
5. “What songs remind you of the holidays?”
6. “Tell me about your first holiday celebration with your spouse.”
7. “What was your favorite way to decorate for the holidays?”
8. “What winter activities did you enjoy when you were younger?”

Tips for Successful Conversations:

• Follow their lead and don’t pressure them to remember specific details
• Use old family photos or holiday decorations as conversation prompts
• Focus on emotions and feelings rather than specific facts or dates
• Keep questions simple and give them time to respond
• If they seem confused, gently move to another topic
• Embrace whatever memories or stories emerge, even if they’re repeated

They may or may not be able to answer some of these questions and feel confused. Just carry on the conversation and don’t stress about it. You don’t want to make them feel worried or scared that they can’t remember. Bring out the family albums. Crack jokes. Maybe play a tune on the piano. Play some great brain games with them. Being a part of a family group or community during the holidays will be good for their mental health and for their spirit. Just follow their lead and everyone can have a smooth holiday, including you!

Remember that being part of family gatherings during the holidays can significantly boost their mental health and spirit, even if their participation looks different than in previous years. The key is to remain flexible, patient, and focused on creating moments of joy rather than perfect celebrations.

By adapting our approach and expectations, we can ensure that everyone, including our loved ones with dementia or Alzheimer’s, can experience the warmth and connection of the holiday season.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!